"You're making independents vote Republican."

“New Rule, as we’re now right in the middle of awards season here in Hollywood, how about everybody drop the politics for a couple of hours and just enjoy these happy, dopey celebrations of show business?” comedian and progressive provocateur Bill Maher implored his Real Time audience this week during his opening monolog.

“You know, I was up for a Golden Globe this month,” Maher told the crowd to applause. “And walking in, some reporter asked me why I wasn’t wearing a lapel pin for the first Minneapolis shooting a couple of weeks ago, and I said, well, it was a terrible thing that happened, and it shouldn’t have happened, and if they didn’t act like such thugs, it wouldn’t have had to happen, but I don’t need to wear a pin about it.”

“Now, please understand, I had no idea this question was coming, and so tonight I’d like to say that if I had the chance to think about it, my answer would be exactly the same: Yes, the same. Ice, thugs, pins, stupid,” Maher quipped dismissively. “According to the Internet, what I did with my comments at the Globes was laugh, scoff, mock, take a dig at, and refuse to join Golden Globes activism.”

“Golden Globes activism? Oh, you mean the activism of fixing a f*cking pin to my suit?” Maher chuckled. “I’m sorry, it clashed with my keffiyeh.”

“I hope I didn’t spoil the perfect record of pins and ribbons solving all the world’s problems,” Maher went on mercilessly. “I mean, you can’t name a problem, from guns to AIDS to bullying to breast cancer, that still exists after people wore a ribbon for it. Except all of them. You f*cking posers. Three years ago, everybody was all into Ukrainian flags.”

“What happened to that?” Maher asked. “Another cause tossed into the junk drawer with yesterday’s choke collar? Get out of here with your virtue-signaling body ornaments. They’re just crucifixes for liberals Because every time I see one, I think, Jesus Christ.”

“But, you know, congratulations for raising awareness,” Maher added sarcastically. “The awareness you really care about, which is how wonderful you are. Ricky Gervais once told the award show crowd, don’t use it as a platform to make a political speech. You’re in no position to lecture the public about anything. You know nothing about the real world.”

“And, of course, this is where celebrities say, how dare you? We’re citizens with just as much right to speak out,” Maher joked. “Agreed. You absolutely do. I’m just saying, don’t.”

“It’s having the opposite effect of what you want,” warned Maher. “Every big name in show business came out for Kamala Harris, from Oprah to Clooney to Beyonce, and she lost every swing state. A survey of Ohio voters found Taylor Swift’s endorsement actually had a negative impact, with 24% saying it made them less enthusiastic about her as a candidate.”

“Read the room, Democrats,” Maher advised his fellow liberals. “Celebrities aren’t helping. And why would they? In a country where the big issue now is affordability, outside of, I don’t know, Springsteen and a few others, celebrities don’t strike people as relatable or in touch. And what their activism mostly activates is eye rolls. Because stars, they’re not just like us.”

“They’re just not,” Maher said. “They fly private. They have five houses all over the world. They give their kids ridiculous names. They make candles that smell like their vagina. They wear crazy amounts of jewelry. They buy castles. They buy towns. They buy islands. They have shark tanks. They insure their tits. They show up three hours late for their own concerts, and people still go.”

“Please, it’s okay,” added Maher. “You’re stars. We like you for who you are: Insulated divas whose talent allows you to pig out on the finer things in life, because we all need something to aspire to. But being talented, which you are, isn’t the same as knowing things or having the credibility to advise people on their politics. You rail against privilege, but you avail yourself of the greatest privilege of all —  to remain clueless.”

“Ricky’s right: Celebrities don’t know about the real world,” Maher concluded. “So, Democrats, it’s great you have all the big celebs, but people see them as an arm of the Democratic Party, which they already suspect for lacking common sense.”

“I know… I know the celebrities mean well, and we thank them for having their heart in the right place, but just do you,” Maher said. “Do what you do so well. Use your extraordinary talents for the noble cause of bringing relief from the problems that ribbons and pins can’t fix. I know it’s very important to you that you feel that you’re making a difference, so let me assure you, you are.: You’re making independents vote Republican.”

Bill Maher is right: liberal celebrity activism has become a costume change, not a moral force. It’s politics as jewelry — performative, disposable, and usually self-congratulatory.

And the causes cycle so fast you can practically hear the hashtag machine warming up. From “We’re in this together” content filmed from mansions to endless memes: “Republicans are weird,” “TACO,” “No Kings” whatever’s trending this week to signal tribal loyalty without doing anything costly.

The corporate version has been worse. “Jim Crow 2.0” was declared about a Georgia voting law in 2021 — and it wasn’t just talk. Major corporations issued condemnations, and MLB yanked the All-Star Game out of Atlanta. Then turnout surged afterward, and the people who screamed loudest didn’t exactly circle back with humility.

Then the next outrage. Then the next. Under Trump, DOGE became a fresh bonfire. And then — because our politics is now a carnival — the White House “ballroom” demolition drama became another moral emergency, complete with sudden celebrity preservationist fury and cable-news theatrics.

Maher’s point lands because it’s true: Performative outrage doesn’t build credibility. And celebrities have spent their social capital on so many rotating talking points that now, instead of persuading, they have become a liability.

(Contributing writer, Brooke Bell)